So why am I passionate about the Power of Choice?
On 22 November 2009 I held a Circle of Gratitude ceremony for women in my life who had, had an impact on my soul and I called it ‘A Celebration and Gratitude for a Thousand Choices on My Journey Home to Self’. In preparing for and reflecting on each of these women I came to see all of the thousand little choices (and some big) that I had made in my life – some that led me to crossing paths with them and therefore allowing the gift of their presence to touch my life.
It was as if in that moment I truly saw the power of choice. I marvelled at how I had made seemingly innocent and unconscious choices that had changed the trajectory of my path in life, how some had meant moves interstate and overseas. I could also see how choices had led me to situations where I was challenged and tested, my heart broken or my sense of who I am shattered. Where I could either give up or keep believing in my dreams for myself and my life.
I realised in every cell of my being that I have the ability to change and alter the course of my life! Yes, I knew this in mind but really anchoring it in the deepest part of me lifted the veil and showed me the true power of choice. I can choose who comes into my space, how I am treated, whether I allow myself to receive, whether I expand or contract, whether I allow love to open me up or fear to imprison me, whether I choose to love and respect myself or neglect me out of some idea that I don’t matter. The list goes on. Believing that I don’t have a choice is to disempower myself and hand over that power to someone else to determine the path I walk down.
Yes, there are times when I don’t see the two choices in front of me or maybe it is more likely that I don’t see the how/when/why that follows a choice I may be considering. These moments become the challenges to go within and trust, to take a leap of faith. Sometimes the mere fact of not making a choice and staying where I am is enough to drive me to taking a leap of faith!! Although ultimately I still made a choice to do nothing!
In the last 12 years I’ve come to consciously face many choices:
• To remain silent OR speak up
• To continue enabling someone’s behaviour OR to stop and accept that they are choosing the situation/circumstance that they are in and that is the path they are choosing
• To stay in a relationship that was not in alignment with who I was/what I wanted for my life and which was not setting a strong example for my boys OR choose to speak my truth and gracefully exit while we could still hold each other in our hearts and give that gift to the boys
• To close my broken heart forever OR keep it open and keep the possibility of love alive
• To love and respect myself by walking away from toxic relationships OR keep myself in a situation that was harmful to every part of my being
• To love myself enough to say no more OR to keep playing the game to keep everybody else happy and in the process sacrifice myself
• To keep pushing myself OR to pause, take a break and let my mind, body and soul heal from the marriage breakdown and my decision to walk away from half of my family
• The choice between fear OR love
• To rest, replenish and learn to love myself OR constantly try to keep on top of life, work, housework, the garden
• To follow my inner voice and my personal truth/knowing of my heart OR believe what others feel is the right thing to do or what they say about someone/me and their actions/my actions
• Take a leap of faith and trust OR stay safe and do nothing
• Keep myself small to make others feel comfortable and safe OR allow my own inner light to shine and chase my dreams/honour my soul path
• To ask for help and learn to receive OR stay strong and independent never admitting that I need help or another
• To stay stuck in my story believing that is all there is OR heal the challenges of the past and their impact and write a new narrative for myself and my boys
• To accept and love my shadow and the parts of me that maybe aren’t so pretty OR to continue rejecting it and casting it away
• To react in the same way OR change my reaction and notice how it changes the outcome
Now, I simply see choice in every moment and that is something that no person can take away from me. Sometimes I choose to stay small, sometimes I choose to stay silent, sometimes I choose to push myself more than I maybe need to BUT it is still my choice to do so and I make that choice knowing that at any moment I have the power to change it. I am not just a character in my life, I am the narrator, director and producer – I have a say in how it works out!
I’ve also marvelled at how all of those thousand choices are like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle – you never know what part of the puzzle you are about to complete in any moment but they all end up coming together to form a much larger picture of your life. Coloured threads weaving a tapestry, a tapestry that grows and changes as I change and my choices change. A tapestry designed and created by me and every experience I choose for myself and my life.
With each choice I’m choosing to either open up and blossom like the healthy camellia in the photo or I’m choosing to allow something within me to stay closed and even die. I hope now as I become more centred in my heart that I choose those things that allow me to open up wider and bloom!
What underpins and drives many of my choices is the following:
A strong yearning to love and be loved
A strong desire to live life and experience all of its beauty
A desire for Truth
A desire for Light to be my path of choice
A deeply ingrained need to grow, transform and evolve as a person
A desire for the Freedom to be all of who I am
A knowing that I have a sacred purpose to fulfil in this life and I will do all I can to accomplish it
I read this the other day:
“How do you make good decisions?” – Experience
“How do you get experience?” – Wrong decisions
I don’t inherently believe there are bad choices as all experiences ultimately shape and grow the person who we are. However, those choices that on the surface may not have been some of my best decisions turned out to be the ones that taught me the most about myself and also allowed me to decide what I really wanted for myself and my life… so how can that ever be considered as bad?
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