The photo I shared yesterday on social media of Rob Bell and I laughing has a story behind it.
Since my mum’s passing so much is being brought to the surface for me to mourn and let go of. I’ve been called to witness my sadness and pain before transforming it into wisdom. A dance of the heart that is stretching and taking me deeper into the truth of what love is.
Knowing that I walked the path I needed to walk with my mum has been balanced by waves of my human emotions rising up to be felt and acknowledged.
Despite that deep inner knowing I’ve felt a keen sense of being misunderstood, a feeling that has been there before in my life. This has manifested in the form of more grief and a sense of loneliness even though I have a circle of women who ‘get it’ and who are sending me love and support daily.
There is something about feeling misunderstood by your family tribe that cuts deep and so I have turned inward. Turning inward allows me to work through those feelings, to process and find the lesson.
I’d managed to come some way but I was still feeling a bit lost in it until in a moment of grace the Universe reached out.
A couple of days ago a dear friend messaged me saying she had a free ticket to Rob Bell and had thought of me. I grabbed the opportunity as I had wanted to go but didn’t have the funds at the time.
In that moment, not only did I feel deeply grateful but I also knew that there would be something I would hear that would help me find peace with feeling misunderstood and the grief around that.
Sitting there in my seat yesterday surrounded by strangers, I listened and laughed, nodded and absorbed. At moments shedding a silent tear, I waited for the words that I knew would come in my moment of need.
The first gift Rob Bell gave me was uttering the words:
“ Accept the path You are on”
It was in the context of not worrying about what ‘he’ or ‘she’ is doing, or what ‘they’ are doing. If you accept and are at peace with your path, if you know the path you are on is right for you, you don’t need to spend energy worrying about what others are doing.
For me it was the ” accept the path You are on” that resonated. Accept and know why you are walking the path you are, why you make the decisions you make, why you make the choices you make. What you choose to allow into your life and what you choose to say no to. Own it and be at peace with it and then it matters not if you are misunderstood.
I don’t need to justify or explain to anyone but myself why I’m on the path I’m on. I know in my heart where my intention lies and that my decisions come (mostly – because I’m not perfect) from a place of love.
The path I am walking is a personal one and I feel deeply connected to what I have come here to learn. I feel deeply connected to those who are my teachers and the path we chose to walk together. I know I am here to grow and to share what I learn along the way.
Transformation is unavoidable for me and that won’t be a comfortable place for everyone who is in my life or who crosses my path. That leads onto the second gift that Rob Bell gave me:
“You can’t take someone to places they don’t want to go”
Early in my healing journey I realized that I couldn’t make my mum happy, I couldn’t take her pain away and I couldn’t continue to carry it for her. Coming to that realization, did not mean that my love for her was any less.
I had simply woken up to the knowledge that “You can’t take someone to places they don’t want to go” and it is a lesson I have had to relive more than once – because on this one I’ve been slow learner!
Being a rescuer in the past and someone who will hold another up, I’ve learnt that this is not what love is. Loving someone should not mean you sacrifice yourself or walk down a path that is unhealthy for you. Loving someone is not deciding their path for them or the best way for them to walk that path.
I was trying to take my mum down a path that she was not ready for or was simply not meant to go down. It was not for me to decide or to judge whether she was right or wrong. My job was and is to worry about my own path and what was/is right and true for me.
It is not easy to step away and focus on your path because that is playing outside the rules of society, of your tribe and it often makes people uncomfortable. The key for me has always been ensuring that I have a deep sense of peace within about the choices I have made. I love the path I am on and I wouldn’t change anything that has happened.
And so, Rob Bell, thank you… just prior to the smiling photo of Rob and I, I had been expressing gratitude to him. Gratitude for speaking the words that affirmed it is okay to be misunderstood because I know the path I am on is right for me. For affirming that my ‘knowing’ I couldn’t take my mum (and others) where she/they didn’t want to go was okay.
When I finished thanking Rob he hugged me and said “don’t worry you are normal” – which made us both laugh… and hence the big smiles of yesterday – I’m normal!!!!
Loving You Jody x
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