Recently I was shown how I had dishonoured the masculine and it took me on another journey deep within. It was not easy for this to be revealed to me or to own up to. It has made me reflect on the rest of my life and journey to date and whether I’ve truly come into a place of unconditional love for the masculine – both my own within and with the men around me or in general. Am I honouring the sacred place they hold in the delicate balance of life? Am I honouring their divinity as much as the feminine? Do I take them for granted? Do I diminish the part they play in my own inner being and generally? Do I continually project past hurts onto the masculine who enters my life in the current moment?
I’ve been consciously working on how I dishonour the feminine for many years seeing this as the part of me that most needed healing and bringing back into balance, in line with what is needed in the collective. For what is present and playing out in the collective is present in us also – as within, so without.
It’s not that during this time I haven’t reflected on the masculine, particularly within myself, and how it is feeling independently and in relation to my own feminine. In the past it has been exhausted, tired of carrying the load and supporting the absence of my feminine for so long. For forty plus years it was the leader, the part of me that was getting me through the day, striving hard on the netball court, working diligently and for long hours in the corporate world, always on and ever present as a single mum ensuring I was able to take care of my boys in all ways, helping me survive.
I remember the first time I connected with my masculine. I cried when it showed me how exhausted it felt. But on reflection now I feel that I have continued to take it for granted. I’ve continued to believe that it will just show up and be the strength and foundation that I need to get on with my life. Last year I needed my masculine big time and it didn’t let me down but it also paid a big price. I haven’t checked in with it for some time. I haven’t honoured it by being really present with how it is feeling throughout this massive journey I’ve been on.
Over the last thirteen years been I’ve been very aware of the men around me and the pain they are in, the stories of their lives and their ancestors. Through the studying of holistic counselling and particularly healing through experiential astrology, I’ve witnessed men in deep pain (as deep as the feminine), wanting to be free from the wounds of the past, wanting to heal and bring into balance their own masculine/feminine. They have shown up – admittedly not many but they are there trailblazing for other men – and delved deep within themselves, respectful of the women around them and holding space with such presence and strength when the feminine expressed and released her pain.
During the last two years of my dad’s life, I spent what time I could getting to know him as a man, what his dreams had been, what were his regrets, how did he feel about certain things that had occurred in his/our life. I knew deep within me that this was critical and that I was honouring him and his story but also healing my relationship to the masculine. I’m sure on some level it was healing for him regarding the feminine – it felt like a dance between the two for both of us.
What it did for me was to heal so much that had been between us since I was a teenager – from the moment he was diagnosed with MS and I stood in a space of judgement, anger and disrespect for how he was handling this crippling challenge (when my wiser heart and mind now knows that I was a young girl who felt she had lost her dad). I came to understand him on a deeper level and knew that he carried his own ancestral wounds. I understood some of the choices he had made. I saw how he had been wounded by the feminine. I saw him in a light I had never allowed myself to see him. I saw his divinity and the sacred role he had come here to play. I saw the sacrifices that cut at the core of who he was as a man. I saw the path he chose to walk as perfect – as the very foundation for the journey I chose to come here and walk, for what my divine mission is in this life.
For most of my life the masculine has, the majority of the time, been the one to really see me. My dad I know led the charge on this. Men I have worked with. A male acquaintance in Uni days, who completely floored me with his observation of me. My year 10 teacher whose words have always stayed in my heart and have continued to ring true all these years later. Men I have done spiritual healing work with. Even men who have broken my heart.
They are the ones who have at times steered me back onto my path. The ones who have lovingly pointed out (consciously or not) where I am letting myself down. Urging me to rise to the fullness of my potential. The ones who have respected me, encouraged me and loved me unconditionally. The ones who have observed my heart and acknowledged what is in there before I ever did.
It’s not that I haven’t been wounded by the masculine, been disrespected (mostly because I had little or no respect for myself at the time) or had my heart broken open by them. But overall, I can look back and see how much the masculine has held the space for me, honoured me. My own two boys love me unconditionally even though they have journeyed with me through my darkest days. They have often been the ones to send me into the abyss, an act of pure Love, their souls knowing that it’s time I faced what was ready to be healed, let go of or transformed.
I know from the work I have done throughout my healing journey, that the masculine has stood up for and defended the feminine for aeons. They have often played roles on the “opposite” side in order to defend and save the feminine. I saw this with regards to a Roman Soldier at the time of the Crucifixion. On the surface he was the enemy but at a crucial moment he came forward and at great risk to himself saved myself and another Rose Sister, helping us escape so we could continue to hold space and protect the Mary’s. He was in fact a member of the Brotherhood of the Rose but at this crucial juncture when so many of the Rose Sisters were incarnated to support the Mary’s and Yeshua, we needed help on all sides. I saw completely and utterly how everything is not as it seems. How quickly and easily we judge and assume the role someone has come to play in our lives.
So, how exactly have I found myself dishonouring the masculine recently? Through my own fears and projection of past hurts. By disconnecting to my body and not being fully present with every part of my feminine essence. By worrying, projecting into the future and trying to control the outcome. By not showing up fully. By not respecting and honouring the role being played by the masculine.
I received a very clear message on a soul level that I had dishonoured the masculine and it took me quite a few days to understand how – days of deep introspection and soul searching. It wasn’t comfortable and I was upset with myself that at this point in my life and my journey this had happened. That I still let fear and a need to control take me out of the moment, take me away from living an experience in the fullest, most alive and soulful way. It’s shown me that I need to ensure I bring my own masculine along with me on this journey, in every moment, in every way.
But in the spirit of forgiveness and unconditional love I forgive myself and walk forward with the lesson held tightly in my heart and soul. To ensure in future I am fully present to the masculine. To their story, their journey, their soul and the role they are playing in my life. To ensure that I bring all of me in every moment. That I don’t hide parts of myself or disconnect from the all-encompassing truth of who I Am out of fear of what may or may not be. That I show up fully in every moment and am completely present on all levels. That I remain in my body (I have a habit of leaving my body when I find something challenging to deal with). That I honour the masculine and the divinity of their soul. That I see each masculine as an independent being in their own right and not project past experiences of the masculine (this life or previous, or on a collective level) onto the ones who appear in my life now.
I feel this so strongly in terms of the way forward. To stop arguing with the past and bringing those experiences forward. To acknowledge the sacred masculine and their divine role, always, in every moment, in every encounter – from my boys, to men that walk in and out of my life daily. For if I’m dishonouring of the masculine outside of me, if I reject or bad mouth the masculine, if I hold onto the horrors, atrocities or misjustices of the past projecting it onto those I come into contact with, I am on a personal level dishonouring and rejecting my own masculine. I am not loving all of me. I am not extending forgiveness or unconditional love to myself. I am not bringing the masculine fully into my embrace and therefore I will continue to remain disconnected, out of balance and definitely not in a state of inner Union.
It is also time to fully trust myself and to retain faith in my journey. To not see experiences as things to tick off or get done in order to arrive at a destination. Rather to remain present in every moment. To show up fully in every moment. To honour anyone, in this case the masculine, with the fullness of my soul, my BEing. To feel into another person’s story, the ancestral load they carry, the journey they are travelling the best way they can, the reasons they may be hiding the fullness of who they are, or why they have protection around themselves and their hearts.
Unconditional love for all means ALL and it means seeing beyond the surface – it means seeing beyond what a person shows the outside world. It means really seeing someone – just as the masculine has throughout my life, at key moments, really seen beyond what appears to be on the surface of my BEing. It is time now for me to honour that in return, to check in with my own masculine daily, to not take it for granted, to see the majesty and divinity and in doing so I will naturally take that outside of myself.
The feminine and masculine have both had turns in “ruling” over society and both periods in time have led us to where we are. The New Earth will be a balance of masculine and feminine. They will stand side by side finally, equally. Neither one will have power over the other. Neither one will need to hide or diminish any part of themselves in order to be in Union with the other. Neither is less important than the other. Both are Divine Beings. To achieve this, we need to start with ourselves. We need to start with letting go of the stories, stop projecting, stop keeping love out of our hearts for our divine counterpart. For I’ve shown myself recently that if you do it internally, you will do it externally ~ and that serves no-one.
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